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dear kayla,

i know i haven’t talked to you in a long time. life kind of wraps you up into a big ball and throws you aimlessly around. i haven’t gotten motion sickness yet, although i wouldn’t doubt it for the future. if you can remember one thing, remember to never stop being a kid. being an adult? overrated. smile more - you’re beautiful. you wont see it for a while, a long while (not sure I see it now), but others see it. cherish those others. always be independent; that’s one thing you’re good at. and if it matters to you now, know that you’re smart. maybe not today .. and maybe not tomorrow. but in college? you’re smart. lay off the heat and work those curls, you don’t look silly and people aren’t judging you from your wild hair - trust me. it takes you a while to get your life together, but at 20 years old you’ll realize that that’s what life is. complicated and messy. you’ll survive it. you always survive. you wont hear this often, or from anyone else, but know that im proud of you. 

love, kayla 

(Source: thatsmetryingg)

I feel like I wont be completely happy until I have someone. The thought alone is frightening, actually. I was raised to be independent. Emotionally, mentally, and economically. I don’t like leaning on anyone. I don’t like being consumed by one person, depending on them, and then feeling lifeless if things don’t work out. Really, im just scared. Im not scared to commit, but im scared of not being enough. But still.. I can’t help but to think how happy I could be with someone. How good it must feel to have someone be there for you, love you, respect you…

Im so independent that its just me and my mind all day everyday. So much so that I annoy myself all the time. I put myself down more than I put myself up. I wrap myself around the future that I fail to worry about the present. Im confused and lost about life in general. I think this year more than anything Im going to find myself. Im going to love myself. And most importantly be happy. After all, progress starts from within. Believing we’ll survive makes us survive. 

(Source: thatsmetryingg)

So I usually, (this is the part where I lie - because usually means RECENTLY in this case) end my night off with a deep thought to share on my tumblr (and this is the part where I acknowledge that no one cares). But i’m beat. And school starts back up tomorrow so yes, that kind of puts a tamper on my mood. 

But in other news, im transfering schools in September which makes me super excited. Still staying at home, you know - saving money, buts its more diverse at this school (aka more black people, GOSH!). And I’ve decided to pick up a minor. It’s more workload on myself, but this is something I want to do for ME. I haven’t thought about it long, but Im really interested in LGBT studies. I’m all for equality and I feel this course would be really eye opening. 

I love women. And it’s not even romantically. I just love women. I love everything we are. And how we understand each other despite our flaws. It’s eye opening. No two women are a like - don’t you find that odd? Isn’t it exciting? I think when it becomes a time in our lives we mature, and we have a sort of epiphany where we start to see things in color and not just black and white. We become insensitive. Mothers. We learn and teach without even knowing. It’s a process. A cirle of life. It’s beautiful. 

I am fully aware that some women don’t deserve the acknowledgement of this generally comment. But despite given opportunities I think we all have the potential to be great.  

I will always find this hilarious. @April_NotMay & Myself. 

I hate when I randomly get depressed. Or maybe not “depressed”, but very unsure of myself. Basically, at this very moment I hate myself. And im okay with that.